Tuesday, 9 April 2013

Back to Square One

so I was not around. well not really. I spent most of my time in front of my laptop wasting my time playing league of legends and other mmorpg. yeah, 26 years old and still playing online games. they were good though. especially Star Wars The Old Republic. ahhh. epic game. fucking subscription.

oh yes. im married to my lovely wife. that very woman who went through a lot of shit just to be together. most of the shit came from me anyway. so we managed, after all those shit, we took that 4 5 years relationship to another level.

the bad thing about my life right now is that im dead broke. jobless. last december we open up a stall at a relative restaurant selling some kind of nasi ayam penyet, only we call it nasi bumbu. was nice until my wife lost her golden bracelet, the wedding gift. some creepy stuff happened after wards, found the bracelet back and we quit the stall. buka kedai makan ni orang melayu ramai hantar setan. zaman moden lagi ramai orang nak pakai sebab nak kejar iphone 5. tahun depan iphone 6. nenek kau la iphone6548.

then we took up a tender from my mom's office. we're caterers now. epic aku tak pernah siang ikan kena siang ikan 40 ekor terus. hahaha. sakai betul. the pay was nice. only if there are more than 25++ participant. nahh. I'm not gonna elaborate on what stuff and stuff shit. we are fucking small time caterers and that's that.

2 months after our first catering, my brother in law asked my wife for some help since she did a lot of stuff to run a company back in our working days. its kind of hard. since she wants to give another go with her company. and no, im not gonna fucking elaborate what company my wife owns. my wife is an owner of a company and that's that. and right now, this very moment i thought that we need to stop the catering since shes gonna be working on 3 things at one time, including the catering. the catering have to go. its tiring. totally tiring.

so no catering. that's why im here right now. jobless. help my wife. of course i will. my brother in law too. but  to tell the truth. a stall, catering or siting in the office doing paperwork, even sitting in front of the laptop playing online games for every single day is not where i want to be. nope. its not where i want to be.

lately i saw a lot of post on facebook. my fellow musicians. on stage. with their guitar. singing their soul out. and then i realized what have i lost. no. what im missing. that part of me that usually never stop trying. the thought of being on stage crack some fail stupid jokes and sing my lungs out. that's where i should be. that's what i'm missing.

and so i'm back to square one. no one else but me. yeah. i even told myself a long time ago

"if i have to do it alone, alone i will"

gotta ask my brother to help me out with the percussion for now. i'll be back on stage.

that's where i belong. that's what i need. the boost of confidence.

Azrul Maulud

No comments:

Post a Comment